Week 3

AQUARIUS (January 20–February 18): This week you will travel to Jakarta, Indonesia, and you will have a great time. You will win in a coconut competition.

PISCES (February 19–March 20): You will have a bad day. Everything will go wrong – you will hit your head and knock yourself unconscious.

ARIES (March 21–April 19): Because you don’t like Christmas you will get attacked by 12 gingerbreads and they will use you as an ornament on their x-mas tree.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20): On Easter Day you will find an Easter rabbit, put it in a cage and keep it as your pet.

GEMINI (May 21–June 20): You will meet the Illuminati.

CANCER (June 21–July 22): Your mom will buy you a Lamborghini Aventador.

LEO (July 23–August 22): You will be really positive throughout the whole week, except Sunday.

VIRGO (August 23–September 22): You will start growing up too fast and you will suddenly be 33 years old and 167cm tall.

LIBRA (September 23–October 22): You will buy yourself your first Bitcoin.

SCORPIO (October 23–November 21): You will get stung by a scorpion.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22–December 21): You will get the main role in a horror movie called Andy the Killer.

CAPRICORN (December 22–January 19): It is going to rain all week and you will be sad.